7 Secrets for a Happy Life

We all want to be happy, but something always gets in the way. There is never enough time… or money. Somebody is always failing to do what they are “supposed” to do… or not do. Our boss, our spouse, our kids, our parents, our friends, government, big business, whoever… “They” aren’t doing it right. “They” failed us. We are angry, and we have a right to be angry. But is that righteous anger making us happy?

Happiness is not something anyone else can give us… or take away from us. Happiness is what we make of our lives… or don’t. Whatever our circumstances, we can create a joyful life… or a miserable life. It is up to us.

Here are my 7 Secrets for a Happy Life:

1. Have Self-Respect: If I don’t love and respect myself, who will? It all starts right here with ME. If I think that I’m a pretty good person, it doesn’t much matter what anyone else thinks. And the irony is that once I like myself, most everyone else will like me too. People enjoy being around people who speak well of themselves – not in an arrogant boastful way, but with honest self-appreciation.

2. Forgive Everyone for Everything: Angry and happy don’t mix. Flush out the angry, and the happy has a place to put down roots. Until we forgive everyone for everything, we hold on to anger and resentment. Once we forgive, we can become happy. Forgiving is not a gift to someone else – Forgiving is our gift to ourselves – a great gift – the gift of happiness.

3. Be Grateful for All of Life: Each of us has been infinitely blessed – beginning with the gift of life. Whatever may appear to be missing or broken on any particular day, our glass is not half full, it is 99.9% full. More practically, when we feel ungrateful, we become unhappy. When we choose to feel and express our gratitude, the act of feeling and speaking our thanks creates a happiness within us. The more we express our gratitude, the more we have for which to be grateful. Today and every day, take time to celebrate life – whether an hour’s meditation in a quiet natural space, or a brief moment’s conscious pause to breathe deeply and celebrate gratitude for life.

4. Choose Happiness: Everything in life is a choice. There is never anything we ever “need” to do. Every action and thought is a choice and has consequences – pleasant or unpleasant. Whether you go to work today, change jobs, smile at the bank teller, order fried fish, yell at your kids, complain about life, hold a daily celebration of gratitude for life – they are all choices. Happiness is a choice. Stay alert and make conscious choices for happiness.

5. Begin at the End: You can never reach your destination if you don’t have a destination. Decide what accomplishments you want recorded on your tombstone. Take a whole quiet day to consider your life. Be very clear that your happiness does NOT depend on reaching your goal. In fact, it’s the reverse. Your happiness depends on accepting whatever life throws at you while you walk the path toward your goal. What is important for your happiness is having a goal, and working toward it.

6. Start Today: Whatever you want in life, start today. Not tomorrow – today. Let it be a small beginning – a tiny beginning. Your happiness depends on starting today – every day.

7. Life is NOT “Supposed to be Fair”: Know that there is no single way that life is “supposed” to be. Demanding that life meet our expectations is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence. Life is a game with no rules. Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions. Our only path to happiness lies in being open to receiving whatever life throws at us – with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.

Jonathan Lockwood Huie has been dubbed “The Philosopher of Happiness” by those closest to him, in recognition of his on-going commitment to seeing Joy in all of life. www.DanceLightly.com

 

 

Aligning with Your Inner Power

Our inner power is the Source of all the love, peace, joy, and abundance there is. It is amazing how simple and complex this concept can be. Simple because if we would like to have more love in our lives all we have to do is be more loving and share our love with others. At the same time it is complex because if we are invited to share that love with people who have hurt us in the past, our willingness to love diminishes to maybe the opposite, anger and resentment. The message here is that if we want to align with our inner power that is all love, we have to let go of all blocks to that love including lack of forgiveness.

The same thing we can say for peace. If we want more peace in our lives, we have to make the decision to live in the now, enjoying the present moment, instead of going back to the past with regrets or projecting into the future with anxiety. To align with our inner power it is crucial that we cease to look for answers outside of us and realize that all we need is inside of us, waiting to be discovered and expressed. To align with our inner power our thoughts, words, and actions have to be all in congruency so our internal power comes alive.

Observe yourself and be vigilant of moments when you are out of alignment or in opposition to your Inner Power and make the decision to return to love. Trust that you Inner Power has your highest interest at all times and will always guide you in the right direction.

To access your inner power it is important that you live in the now. Remember that this moment is the only moment you have. Your point of power is in the present moment. Decide to be happy, peaceful, joyful, faithful, courageous, loving and more now. From this space your inner power will guide you to take action and to have the desires of your heart.

I invite you to imagine you being in alignment with your greatness that is already inside of you. I leave you with this quote, “We are so captivated by conditions seemingly outside us that we have forgotten that the Kingdom of Heaven is within us” Christina & Bert Carson.

Gloria Ramirez is a Motivational Speaker, a Seminar Leader, an Interfaith Minister, a Healer, and a Success & Spiritual Coach, who embodies the unconditional love that she brings to her audiences in powerful lectures, workshops, and healing services and to her clients in private coaching sessions.

 

The Ten Keys To Happiness

Because I am a life coach and work with hundreds of people on life strategies, I am often asked about what I think makes people truly happy. There are probably many answers, but here are some common themes that I see in my work, and in my own life. Use these keys and watch happiness fill your life!

1. Take Responsibility
Take full ownership of your actions, moods, feelings. If you can take responsibility for your life, you can change it. Blaming others for your circumstances only keeps you stuck.

2. Feel Your Feelings
Don’t stuff your feelings until they become toxic or leak out. There are no “wrong” feelings. Acknowledge them, let yourself fully feel them when you are in private, and then you will be able to move on.

3. Practice Gratitude
Make a daily practice of asking yourself, “What am I grateful for?” Keep a gratitude journal and write down 10 things that are good in your life. Do this at bedtime and you will enjoy better sleep. Being grateful for what you have creates space for new energy to come into your life.

4. Line in the “Now”
Don’t drag your past into your present. Don’t try to live in the future. Be here now, this moment. When you fully engage in the present, there is no room for baggage from the past or fear of the future.

5. Control Your Gremlins
“Gremlins” are those nasty voices in your head that tear you down. You know, the ones that say: “you’re not good enough” or “you’ll never amount to anything.” You wouldn’t even say those things to your best friend, would you? So find those Gremlins and zap them. How? Write all of them down, ask yourself if you really want them to control you, and then change them into positive affirmations instead.

6. Practice Forgiveness
Forgive everyone – even if it’s just as a mental exercise. Otherwise those people and situations gain power over you and live in your head, rent free. And, of course, forgive yourself – you did the best you knew how at the time. Today is a new day. Letting go of anger and resentment will set you free.

7. Connect with Others
Let the negative, whining people in your life find someone else to complain with. You don’t have time for it. Surround yourself with supportive and positive people. Don’t know any people like that? Put a smile on your face and go find them.

8. Manage Your Energy
Learn to say no to tasks and people who drain your energy. Learning to say no can be difficult, but once you do it, you will experience a new level of personal power and well-being. Say yes to activities that give you energy. Make a list of these activities and plan to do a few of them daily.

9. Give Back
Feel good by volunteering to help, mentor, or spend time with others who don’t enjoy your level of abundance. Give out positive energy and it will come back to you many times.

10. Change
Change is good. Be flexible. Life is always throwing new stuff at you. Go with the flow and shape your life the way you want it to be. Keep learning, adapting and embracing the new and wonderful things that will show up in your life! 

 By Gretchen Sunderland:  www.coachgretchen.com;

 

5 Ways To Increase The Joy In Your Relationships

Usually we enter relationships hoping they will make us happy. We hope that this one is the right one, that we are not repeating mistakes of the past, and that finally we will receive the love, support and companionship we have been seeking.

Although this approach to relationships is normal, it usually brings disappointment because happiness comes and goes. It has to, because happiness depends upon circumstances. When things go well, we are happy. When we get what we want, when the sun is shining, others value us, our boyfriend finally pops the question, these are moments of happiness.

Joy is different. It doesn’t come and go, or depend upon outer circumstances. When things are difficult, when our hopes are not fulfilled, it is still possible to feel joyful. Joy is a positive decision we have made about ourselves, and others. It involves taking responsibility for our lives and relationships. How much joy do you have in your love life? Here are five ways to find joy in relationships:

Stop Blaming Your Partner for Your Disappointments

When we’re in a relationship, it’s very easy to fall into blaming our partner for our disappointments, but it’s one of the most significant ways we destroy our own joy and peace of mind. It is also one of the biggest ways we undermine the other person.

If you want to find more joy in your relationship, realize that if you are upset, it does not necessarily mean that something is wrong with your partner. Finding joy in a relationship comes down to understanding that it is your own expectations that have disappointed you. When we do not put heavy expectations on our partners, but are willing to spend time getting to know them and discover who they are, blame dissolves more easily. Other people have the right to be who they are and to express it. Your partner has not been put on this earth to make you happy. No one can do that, except you, yourself. Your partner is here to share life with, to learn to be open, accepting and to grow.

Discover the Art of True Giving

There is a huge difference between giving to another and giving so you can get something back in return. When we are secretly waiting for what’s in it for us, this is nothing more than manipulation. On the other hand, joy is based upon true giving. When we learn to give sincerely, it is almost impossible to be upset. The giving itself is its own return.

True giving means generosity with no strings attached. It’s giving your partner something that he would like, not something that pleases you. It means taking time to know the person and being willing to meet his needs. Some people fear giving, feeling that they will be drained or stripped bare. But the opposite is true. The more we give, the more we have. Giving brings a sense of fullness and kindness, the basis for the development of joy.

There are many things that can be given, everything from time and attention to acknowledging what makes you happy in the relationship. Want to put this plan into action? Make a list of all the things you could give your partner. Then make a list of the things you’d like him to give you. When you see these two lists side by side, you’ll be amazed. See if you can give your partner what they want, regardless of whether they can do the same for you.

Give Up Trying to Change the Other Person

The incessant desire to fix or change the other person is one of the biggest thieves of joy. Plus, it causes power struggles within relationships and issues of control. One person feels she cannot love the other unless the other changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with him.

Finding joy in a relationship means having the ability to love your partner as they are. Our partners have been put here to grow, develop and discover who they are. This can be a lengthy and challenging process. But the surprising thing about change is that the less we push and disapprove of others, the more easily and naturally they grow and change.

Learn How to Really Listen

There is no better way of giving to another than really listening. Most of the time we hear what our partners are saying, but have no idea how to listen. Listening involves getting out of your own mind and truly being there with the other person. It means stopping the little voice inside your head (the one that always comments or thinks about what it is going to say next). It means stopping the inner arguer and becoming quiet and available. When you really listen to another, in that moment, you have given up your own expectations of what you want them to say or to be, and are able to be present for them. This is an enormous gift you are giving. In fact, to many, being really listened to feels like being loved.

Give Up Trying to Change the Other Person

The incessant desire to fix or change the other person is one of the biggest thieves of joy. One person feels she cannot love the other unless that person changes. The other feels hurt, inadequate and as though something is wrong with him. The person who wants the change to happen becomes more and more frustrated as the other one withdraws or refuses to change for her. That’s where the phrase, “if you loved me enough you would change,” comes from.

Finding joy in a relationship means having the ability to love your partner as they are here to grow, develop and discover who they are. This can be a lengthy and challenging process. But the surprising thing about change is that the less we push and disapprove of others, the more easily and naturally they change.

Develop Patience

Patience is an old-fashioned word in today’s world.. However, there is no way to rush growth in relationships or in the development of joy. If you’re eager to get on the right track, there are two ways to get started: Learn how to be more giving and make an effort to be a better listener. But each one of these tasks takes time to master — and patience. That’s why it is necessary to realize that as we are, right now at this moment, we are lovable and acceptable. If you’re ready to increase the amount of joy you feel in your own relationship, take back the responsibility for finding joy in your life, you will be pleased at the results.

By Dr Brenda Shoshanna, the Official Guide To Relationship Advice

 

Effective Communication Goes Against Human Nature

Communication is the most common presenting problem of couples in my practice. Yet, it is not truly the main problem. Even if couples utterly fail to talk, negotiate, or make decisions, there’s a bigger problem than communication.

When you’re in a tense, difficult or nasty discussion with your partner, the problem isn’t communication. The problem is your distressed emotional reaction about what they are saying. If your distress is severe enough, you are on the way to being at your worst.

When you are at your worst, you’re likely to bring out the worst in your partner. But you really hope your partner will respond with their higher self. You hope they will break the pattern. Meanwhile, they’re hoping that you will break the pattern. You know where that leads.

Here’s how it breaks down. When you are in a bad discussion with your partner:
Communication is a problem.
But it is not the problem.
The problem is your ineffective responses during the stressful discussion.

Your ineffective responses can be grouped into a few basic categories:
Finger pointing
Whining
Resentful accommodation
Withdrawal
Confusion

There are a lot of variations of each of these categories but they have one thing in common. They are all painful reflexes to a difficult discussion. Because they are reflexes, they don’t take rehearsal or planning. When was the last time you had to remind yourself to get defensive at your partner for being sarcastic?

When you feel bad, angry, hurt, disappointed or frustrated, it’s a reflex to want your partner to treat you better. If only they’d act more in accordance to your standards and desires, which bring you emotional relief, your life and relationship would be better, easier, more satisfying.

There is a part of everybody that wants our partner to change first. We want them to change to relieve us from our distress. We’re trying to get relief from our distress more than we’re trying to communicate. This is a normal and natural desire and reflex. But when this desire becomes the foundation for relationship change, there is “trouble in River City.”

Yes, I know you can build a legitimate case on the dastardly things your partner does when they go on tilt. That is a problem. But it is not the problem. The problem is improving how you react to their pain. That is what takes effort, planning and rehearsal.

How hard is this concept to implement? Intellectually, I know that when my wife, Ellyn, annoys me I should improve my reaction. But there is still a part of me that thinks, “Hey, I didn’t get married to be reminded to take out the trash, put away my mail, pick up my shoes, etc. Why should I have to improve my response to Ellyn’s distress?” Faced with the choice between leaving victimhood or proving that Ellyn needs to “chill” I get busy on the proof.

Have you noticed that in every argument each person starts from a different point of view and is bound for a different destination? And the more heated the argument the more each tries to airbrush out their own flaws. The problem is more than, “We can’t talk.”

I don’t think Disraeli believed the problem was simply communication when he stated, “It destroys one’s nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being.”

Discussions with our partner are just one way we express our jumble of values, interests, concerns, goals, insecurities, dreams and hopes. The painful gap between effective communication and negative results is caused by fear, lack of self awareness, or lack of skills.

Perhaps you’re now thinking, “Gosh, maybe I was better off believing the problem was just communication. Now what?”

Next time you’re heading into a difficult discussion with your partner, take a minute to relax with a couple of deep breaths. Exhale fully so that you’re forced to inhale more oxygen. Think about how you aspire to be during a sensitive discussion. If you were coming from your higher self, what would that look like? Write these qualities on a sheet of paper or a note card and have it in front of you during the next charged discussion.

For more information and a live demonstration on this process, plus a specific technique to calm your emotional brain under stressful discussions, visit http://couplesinstitute.com/couples/relationship-repair.html where you can download an audio mp3 version of our recent teleseminar, “Beyond ‘I Messages:’ Safe and Sane Couples Communication.” Don’t be intimidated by the technology. It’s easier than you think, and our staff will help you if you have questions. Besides that, we offer a money-back guarantee. If you don’t think the program is worth your time and money, we’ll give you a full refund.

By Dr. Peter Pearson. www.TheCouplesInstitute.com .

 

Some Simple Rules for a Satisfying Life

Life has taught me that success, abundance, prosperity, peace, and happiness are all created through exercising a planned routine. To create a happy and prosperous life, we need some instructions, or rules, for living.

Rule 1: Spread love. In order to produce great achievements, we have to take great risks. The greater the required achievement, the greater the personal risk involved. The greater the love we show and give, the greater the vulnerability, but the greater the return.

Rule 2: Learn from life. We have to learn from the lessons in life. When we do lose, as we all will from time to time, we should lose gracefully and learn from the lesson that life has taught us through the experience, turning it into a positive to build on.

Rule 3: Show respect. We need to respect others as we respect ourselves. Above all we should respect ourselves and show that respect. In today’s society, there seems to be a great lack of self-respect. Just look at the way people behave and dress.

Rule 4: Be responsible. We need to take full responsibility for all our actions. Always do things for the right reason and from a position of love for your fellow man. Remember that anything done for the greater good will always succeed.

Rule 5: Be ethical. Live a life that is honorable and ethical. Especially in today’s world, there seem to be a lot of questions about ethics and deceit. It is very important to stay true and honest to the fundamental rules of ethics and fairness.

Rule 6: Admit fallibility. Remember to take immediate action when you realize you have made a mistake. It is very important that you admit when you have made a mistake and that you take immediate steps to correct the mistake. It is a sign of maturity and of courage to own up to your own fallibility.

Rule 7: Show forgiveness. Do not let little things interfere or destroy a great relationship. Whether in your personal life or in business, relationships are precious and should not be taken lightly, so when minor disagreements occur, do not let these destroy the relationship. Show forgiveness, and move on.

Rule 8: Allow change. Be open to change, but do not compromise on your values and ethics. Through change we grow and learn. Too often, however, people tend to change for opportunistic reasons and are willing to forego all that is good and valuable for immediate gratification or greed.

Rule 9: Learn to listen. There are times when it is better to be silent than to speak. Too often, we feel the need to say our piece, but there are many situations in life where it is better to be quiet and listen. It is through listening that we learn the other person’s point of view and get a better understanding of the situation under consideration. This could be a hard rule to master for some of us.

Rule 10: Create abundance. Create a loving and harmonious atmosphere in the home. When we create an atmosphere of love, we create the foundation for happiness, abundance, and prosperity. Remember that it is through giving that we receive the greatest joy and rewards.

Rule 11: Practice quiet reflection. Spend some time alone at least once a day. This is the time you can spend to meditate and reflect on the happenings of the day. This is your opportunity to recharge and to connect with your inner self. Here you will create the foundation for your abundance and prosperity.

Rule 12: Give of yourself. Remember that in any relationship your love for each other exceeds your need for each other. In other words, it is in the giving of yourself without any attachments or expectations that you receive the greatest satisfaction and rewards.

These twelve simple rules, when followed in a consistent manner, will bring you lots of abundance, prosperity, and happiness. They will create a life experience that you will gladly look back on. They have certainly helped me in reaching my life and business goals. It will take time to learn and practice these rules faithfully, but the time spent will surely pay benefits in your life’s journey. Always have unwavering faith in what you set out to do, as long as it is done for the right reasons and within the universal rules of ethics.

by Andreas Stark

 

Growing Healthy, Healthy Growing

I used to think that being healthy had to do with my body—being physically healthy. I thought that taking good care of my body would make me a healthy person. I have come to realize, however, that health has to do with more than just physical health. Health includes four important aspects: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual. If I neglect any one of these areas, I cannot truly be healthy. These aspects are interconnected—an imbalance in one area will affect the other areas. To really be healthy, I need to pay attention to all four aspects.

Here are a few suggestions for investing in a healthier you, in each area of your life. Please don’t get overwhelmed, however. Every journey is begun with one step. You don’t have to do everything all at once. What I would suggest is that you pick one area you think you’d like to start with, and pick one thing you’d like to work on. Then work on it for a month. Be as consistent as possible, but don’t set unrealistic goals. Gradually add new things to try in each area. Being healthy has a lot to do with growth, and allowing growth. Growth is part of change, and change and growth is what all of life is about. Everything is always growing and changing and evolving, so when we allow ourselves to grow and change and evolve we are in alignment with life.
Emotional

We are complex organisms with a delicate balance of hormones and chemicals that keep us functioning. We have things like adrenalin, endorphins, serotonin, insulin, cortisol, and many more—I’m sure you’ve heard of all these things even if you don’t understand exactly what they do. But the fact is that when we are emotionally stressed, our bodies’ delicate chemical relationships are thrown out of balance and this begins the process of dis-ease. Scientific study has shown that our emotions have a very real affect on our physical health.

Here are a few things you can work on in this area:

* Become aware of your feelings! You may think you already are, but if you pay close attention you’ll begin to see that you frequently do not acknowledge having feelings—you may cover them up with an addiction (food, TV, smoking, alcohol, sex, etc.), you may just suppress them (they’re still in there and they’re doing damage), or you may express them (crying, losing your temper, raging, etc). None of these coping mechanisms releases us from the incremental damage of holding negative energy inside our bodies. The best way to deal with feelings is to acknowledge them, allow them, and make a conscious decision to let them go—to let the energy from our feelings flow through us, rather than leaving it stuck inside. Try practicing becoming aware of your feelings throughout the day. When you become aware of an uncomfortable feeling, ask yourself if you can just allow the feeling to be there (after all, it’s just a feeling, and it’s not permanent). Then ask yourself if it would be OK to increase your acceptance of the feeling, just for now. Could you increase your acceptance even more… and even more? Rate your acceptance of the feeling (rate your acceptance of it, not the feeling itself)—let’s say from 0 to 10 (10 being the most accepting), and see if you can ask yourself if it’s OK to increase your acceptance until you feel that your acceptance has reached 10, or at least until it has moved up significantly. Doing this little exercise will greatly increase your awareness of your feeling, and you will find that they “pass through you” much more quickly so that you can move on to feeling freer and less limited. There are many ways to learn to release feelings— the Sedona Method , EFT, or the Healing Codes are three that I know of.

* Learn to stay in the present. This means stop looking back with regret and forward with worry! Appreciate this moment right now and do what you can now rather than getting bogged down in a pity party or in being a worry wart. You cannot fix past mistakes, and you cannot deal now with things that have not happened yet. The more you learn to stay in the present, the less stressed you will be. My favorite book about being present is “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. Tolle teaches you to “be the witness”—to stand back and observe yourself when you find yourself stressing over past or future events. When you do this, you bring yourself into the present which is the only place where you can really make choices.

* Practice gratitude! This can be very powerful—there is always something to be grateful for, but so frequently we allow our minds to spin into patterns we have repeated over and over again. You can take a few moments every day, or throughout your day, to ask yourself the simple question, “What can I feel grateful for right now?” Think of some one, some thing, some place you love, and let that feeling permeate for a few moments.

* Focus on what is working and what do you want. Stop focusing on what is not working and what you do not want. Our thoughts create our reality and what we focus on expands. If we spend time thinking of all the things that may not be right in our “reality,” we simply increase the power of that reality. When we focus on what we do want and what does work and what we can do, we create a far better reality for ourselves—one that has more possibilities, fewer limitations.

* Forgive. Forgive yourself, forgive others. Whatever you think you or they did wrong—was just a mistake. Don’t take things personally. When someone else is gruff, rough, unpleasant, or just plain mean—it has nothing to do with you! It’s their issue, and you don’t need to take it on. Simply forgive yourself or them, have compassion for yourself or them. Empathize and forgive. We are all perfectly imperfect and judging ourselves and others simply makes our lives miserable.

* These ideas are just the tip of the iceberg, but it’s a start!

Mental

Mental health, as I see it, isn’t emotional health (what I just described), but the health we gain by exercising our minds. I’m not talking about exercising your mind by allowing it to spin you into negative emotions! I’m talking about activities that stimulate your brain cells and strengthen the synapses between brain cells in memory transmission areas. Here are just a few suggestions:

* Read. Find things you enjoy reading that stimulate your interest or your imagination. Allow yourself to visualize or to engage in an internal discussion with what you are reading about.

* Have conversations with people who interest you—conversations about ideas, experiences, perceptions, not about the weather or the latest gossip. Allow your mind to be open to new ideas. If someone has new, unfamiliar ideas, allow yourself to hear them rather than going into a mode of fear (or fight or flight).

* If you’re addicted to TV, see if you can gradually wean yourself from the “boob” tube, or find some programs that have some real educational value. There are many interesting programs about science, nature, history, people, etc. that can stimulate and expand your thinking.

* Search out new experiences, go to new places, and stay open to the new perspectives you encounter.

* Do word puzzles, play strategy games, draw, paint, play an instrument, practice a new language.

* Write in a journal or work with your hands to build or create.

Physical

Are you getting any exercise? Are you flexible and strong? Are you happy with your weight? Do you feel energetic? Recent studies show that physical exercise can increase mental abilities 20% to 30%.

* Make a plan to be more active. Start small, but be consistent. I decided at the age of 50 that I wanted to be age gracefully. I wasn’t extremely unfit, but I was 25 pounds over my ideal weight, was stressed, and was sedentary. I started by walking almost every day. Then I decided to alternate walking and running, about a minute at a time. I started with only about 12 minutes almost every day. I gradually worked it up to 20, then 30, gradually replacing the walking with running. Not everyone can run—but the point is there is something you can do, and it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. Don’t beat yourself up when you forget or neglect to do it—just do it the next day. If you don’t do it for two days, OK, then—do it the next day, etc. Exercise not only improves your muscle to fat ratio, it improves your metabolism, it increases the oxygen in your system, it improves the functioning of your brain, it reduces fatigue, and it creates a chemical environment which causes more feelings of well-being. If you need the motivation of a group, find a yoga class, an aerobics class, a dance class, or find a walking, running, or swimming buddy. Or maybe just go for it alone—you may be surprised to find out you can!

* What are you eating? You are what you eat. Our bodies and our brains need certain nutrients to maintain physical health. Our bodies will build all of our cells from what we eat. When what we eat is junk, we gradually have bodies that turn to junk. Again, you don’t have to do this all at once. You can gradually add healthy foods to your diet, and gradually drop the not-healthy foods. Consult with a nutritionist or a naturopath to begin a plan of healthy eating or get yourself a book, subscribe to a magazine, or surf the web to get advice on healthy eating.

* Do you remember to breathe? Breathing brings oxygen into our bodies and brains and allows the fire to burn inside, the fire that metabolizes what we eat and distributes energy everywhere it is needed. Taking a few deep breaths when you are feeling stressed or anxious can calm you down almost immediately. Having a good supply of oxygen clears your brain and energizes your body.

Spiritual

Begin a spiritual practice. This does not have to be a religious practice. You can, but you do not have to go to a church, a temple or a mosque. You do not need to believe anything that does not resonate the truth for you. Allow yourself some daily time to reflect on or practice your spiritual beliefs.

* Start by just pondering some questions. Ask what is bigger, smarter, more intelligent, more powerful than you are? For some people the answer may be God. For others the answer may be god. For others the answer may be nature, the universe, higher self, higher power, Gaia, mother earth—but when you begin to ask the question, you will begin to get the answer. Once you begin to see answers to the question, you will begin to see yourself as part of the answer. You are a part of what is bigger than you are, you are what is bigger than you are! Start to see the part of you that is your ego-self as the part that is less real than your spirit self. Your ego-self is the part of you that wants to be separate, different, better, or worse than others. Your spirit self is the part of you that is interconnected with everything and everybody else. Begin to honor your spirit self and allow yourself to discover what feels true to that self—examine values like compassion, empathy, generosity, forgiveness, unconditional love. Beginning a spiritual practice can be as simple as beginning to ask the question, “What is true for me?” and see what comes up (like, “what feels truer, having a lot of money or helping somebody?” or “having a particular job, or doing something creative?” etc.) My own personal experience was that I started to develop my spiritual “muscle” by going to 12-step meetings. I gradually allowed myself to shift from being a total atheist to being open to the idea of “higher power.” Once I was able to believe that I am not all powerful, but I am part of something that is, I was able to move forward and grow in my life.

* Meditate. Meditation comes in many forms. It can just be as simple as just sitting quietly and allowing your mind to wander off, then bring it back to quiet when you notice. Some people meditate by using a mantra—any word or phrase that they repeat silently to help them bring their minds’ attention away from spinning off into projection, worry, or busyness. Others focus on their breath. Others ponder a question. Mediation has been shown to be beneficial to emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health. My favorite meditation “tool” is Holosync audio technology CD’s.

A personal life coach can help you in any of these areas. Life coaching is about taking action toward your goals and desires, it’s about opening up to new possibilities, it’s about opening up to new insights, it’s about discovering what you value. A life coach will support you through the process of self-discovery and setting and achieving desired outcomes in your life.

By Susan Wood

 

Ask A Simple Question to Jumpstart a Stalled Relationship

INTRO: Do you long for the early times of your romantic relationship, when support and affection flowed freely? A couple’s therapist promises you can recreate this mood by asking one simple question.In the early days of a new romance, couples delight in pleasing one another. Each is eager to learn what the other needs to feel safe and loved. This sweet openness invites tenderness and understanding. Even mundane discussions about habits in driving, food likes and dislikes, and the predictable conflict over the position of the toilet seat, become conversations of discovery. After too short a time, the unspoken permission to ask about or volunteer preferences starts to wither. A request to change a small habit or to ask for a favor can be taken as criticism or imposition.

I’ve worked with couples in my psychotherapy practice for twenty years, guiding them to increase understanding, support, and affection between each other. Many people avoid serious talks about their individual needs and wants because they fear rejection or worry they might hurt their partners’ feelings. Others delay until they are too frustrated and angry to have a real conversation. Without taking the risk of initiating honest discussion, relationships fill with stale resentments and harmful assumptions. One couple, Liz and Jerry, brought this problem into my counseling office.

After thirty years of marriage, Liz insisted she and Jerry needed couple counseling. She erupted at the beginning of the first session. “Jerry won’t talk with me. I don’t know if I want a divorce, but we fight about stupid things like housework. I can’t stand the unhappiness in our house any more. We raised three great kids, built a beautiful home, and saved for our future. He watches sports on TV and plays golf on his days off and doesn’t want to do anything as a couple. We’ll be retired soon and I’m afraid we’ll end up hating each other.”

Jerry replied with matched irritation. “All you do is complain about housework. I do the yard and make and manage most of our money. While we’re being honest, you’ve lost interest in sex, which you told me I had to accept. Big deal, I play golf and watch TV. I’m not even sixty and you’re treating me like an old man who should care more about taking out the garbage than enjoying life. I miss having a good time, but you’re constantly busy with projects and friends. What do you want from me?”

They turned to me for an answer. “Jerry, your last question could be a good start for a conversation, but your tone doesn’t invite a real response. Try again and ask Liz this question: “What can I do to make today easier or more fun for you?’”

Flustered, he barely looked at Liz while repeating my question. She was embarrassed, and asked me, “Like what?”

I explained how long term relationships lose steam because couples stop believing that their partner really wants to please them. “Avoid mentioning chores, especially taking out the garbage. How about going for a walk or to a movie? Do you have a problem at work you’d like his help with? When’s the last time he gave you a neck massage?”

Liz and Jerry went home with this assignment: each of them would ask each other “What can I do to make today easier or more fun for you?” every day. They also needed to plan ahead to come up with real responses. They returned after two weeks, holding hands and eager to share the results.

Jerry reported that the hardest part for him was finding ideas for what he wanted Liz to do. “I asked for a neck rub, remembering your suggestion. One day I asked for help with a repair that was easier with an extra set of hands. Normally I’d have struggled with the job or avoided it. She was happy to work with me. This reminded me of how many big projects we had tackled together. Then I began to think about what we used to do for fun.”

Liz blushed a bit. “I was surprised when Jerry said he wanted to go dancing. We dressed up, and talked and laughed the whole evening. Maybe I’m not done with romance after all.

“At first, I could only think of the household projects he hadn’t finished. This exercise helped me see how I’d stopped asking Jerry for favors or suggesting fun things. I finally asked him to let me talk about a personnel problem at work without the TV on and no interrupting. He listened, then asked me if I wanted a suggestion. He had a great solution. I felt good knowing he really listened and wanted to help.”

Liz and Jerry felt awkward practicing this new habit for the first week, but by the second, they welcomed the invitation to share ideas and time together. They soon felt comfortable asking for assistance and suggesting fun activities spontaneously.

They found relationship magic in this one simple question: “What can I do to make today easier or more fun for you?” It focuses on what they want to give each other, rather than what they aren’t getting. By the end of two weeks, Liz asked Jerry about changing the color of their bedroom, and for his ideas on how to make it more romantic.

The pathway to a meaningful relationship is formed by such intimate moments, when couples feel encouraged to reveal who they are and want they want. Such efforts usually come when trying to heal after a bitter argument, or clearing a misunderstanding. Mutual support and understanding are more powerful when couples share their ideas and needs on a regular basis, before feelings are hurt. 

By Cynthia Wall

 

About Time

Sometime we waste a lot of time doing sth not supposed to do (or just do nothing), but on the other hand, we are so impatient waiting in front of the traffic light, busy on changing the lane to get one or two car ahead, or doing “unnecessary” speeding.  How to explain this?

 

The Attitude of Gratitude

Yes, it might feel great to win the lottery. Money, houses, travel – these are wonderful, but not enough by themselves. You need the right frame of mind to fully enjoy life. You need the attitude of gratitude.

Be Grateful

Life is better when you feel blessed, when you can look around and say “Thank you, God.” Religious or not, when you see life as a wonderful gift, your experience is a richer one than any amount of money can provide. Imagine going through life like you’re a child, and every morning is Christmas.

It’s tempting to think gratitude comes from having what you want. You see yourself giving thanks if you had money, a loving family, and maybe a house on the beach. Still, you know there are ungrateful, unhappy people with these things, and poor people full of gratitude for what little they have. Where does this feeling come from?

Creating Gratitude

Gratitude arises from how you look at things. It is the natural feeling that comes from truly appreciating the people and things in your life. It is also something you can learn.

First, you have to stop and smell the roses. You can’t be thankful for something you don’t notice or enjoy. Roses really do smell great, by the way.

Then, you need to make this appreciative approach to roses and life a habit. There’s no need to ignore the ugliness in the world, but you have to habitually see the beautiful things.

Start writing down every positive thing that happens to you, and all the things you like. Do this until you start automatically seeing the good things in life. If you’ve ever bought a white car, and started seeing white cars all over, you know how awareness can alter your perception of reality. To see wonderful things all over, train yourself to look for them.

When you are in the habit of “counting your blessings,” gratitude, and a much richer experience of life is the natural result.
By Steve Gillman