Joy Yang’s Blog

We all want to be happy, but something always gets in the way. There is never enough time… or money. Somebody is always failing to do what they are “supposed” to do… or not do. Our boss, our spouse, our kids, our parents, our friends, government, big business, whoever… “They” aren’t doing it right. “They” failed us. We are angry, and we have a right to be angry. But is that righteous anger making us happy?

Happiness is not something anyone else can give us… or take away from us. Happiness is what we make of our lives… or don’t. Whatever our circumstances, we can create a joyful life… or a miserable life. It is up to us.

Here are my 7 Secrets for a Happy Life:

1. Have Self-Respect: If I don’t love and respect myself, who will? It all starts right here with ME. If I think that I’m a pretty good person, it doesn’t much matter what anyone else thinks. And the irony is that once I like myself, most everyone else will like me too. People enjoy being around people who speak well of themselves – not in an arrogant boastful way, but with honest self-appreciation.

2. Forgive Everyone for Everything: Angry and happy don’t mix. Flush out the angry, and the happy has a place to put down roots. Until we forgive everyone for everything, we hold on to anger and resentment. Once we forgive, we can become happy. Forgiving is not a gift to someone else – Forgiving is our gift to ourselves – a great gift – the gift of happiness.

3. Be Grateful for All of Life: Each of us has been infinitely blessed – beginning with the gift of life. Whatever may appear to be missing or broken on any particular day, our glass is not half full, it is 99.9% full. More practically, when we feel ungrateful, we become unhappy. When we choose to feel and express our gratitude, the act of feeling and speaking our thanks creates a happiness within us. The more we express our gratitude, the more we have for which to be grateful. Today and every day, take time to celebrate life – whether an hour’s meditation in a quiet natural space, or a brief moment’s conscious pause to breathe deeply and celebrate gratitude for life.

4. Choose Happiness: Everything in life is a choice. There is never anything we ever “need” to do. Every action and thought is a choice and has consequences – pleasant or unpleasant. Whether you go to work today, change jobs, smile at the bank teller, order fried fish, yell at your kids, complain about life, hold a daily celebration of gratitude for life – they are all choices. Happiness is a choice. Stay alert and make conscious choices for happiness.

5. Begin at the End: You can never reach your destination if you don’t have a destination. Decide what accomplishments you want recorded on your tombstone. Take a whole quiet day to consider your life. Be very clear that your happiness does NOT depend on reaching your goal. In fact, it’s the reverse. Your happiness depends on accepting whatever life throws at you while you walk the path toward your goal. What is important for your happiness is having a goal, and working toward it.

6. Start Today: Whatever you want in life, start today. Not tomorrow – today. Let it be a small beginning – a tiny beginning. Your happiness depends on starting today – every day.

7. Life is NOT “Supposed to be Fair”: Know that there is no single way that life is “supposed” to be. Demanding that life meet our expectations is a sure fire recipe for a miserable existence. Life is a game with no rules. Life just happens to us regardless of our best intentions. Our only path to happiness lies in being open to receiving whatever life throws at us – with Gratitude. Have NO Expectations of life.

Jonathan Lockwood Huie has been dubbed “The Philosopher of Happiness” by those closest to him, in recognition of his on-going commitment to seeing Joy in all of life. www.DanceLightly.com

Intentions differ from desires, and consciously focusing on your intentions can go a long ways toward achieving success. Simply put, intentions are goals. Another way to look at intentions is as thoughts that help us fill a need. The need can be such things as money, property, love, or relationships. The main purpose of our goals or intentions, though, is to eventually be happy or fulfilled.

In contrast, desire is the act of attaching feelings to a goal. We may desire something without ever achieving it. An important step towards fulfilling your goals is to realize that desire is passive, while intentions imply action. Once you can separate your intentions from your desires, there are a few things you need to do to make those intentions work for you:

Banish Negative Thoughts
Most people develop goals, then are overrun with thoughts as to why they cannot achieve their goals. Sometimes we subconsciously have negative feelings about our ability to achieve a goal which we are not even aware of. Even so, our unconscious beliefs have a way of manifesting themselves into reality, so it is important to examine your own feelings about your goals and intentions. Once you discover the negative thoughts you have associated with a particular intention or goal, you can work to transform them into positive ones.

Renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “What you are unconscious of will become your fate.” Take a moment to write your intentions out, then write down the feelings you associate with your intentions. Do not edit your feelings before writing them out. Examine them and see where your negative beliefs or feelings are. Only then can you take steps to make them positive.

Destroy Your Ego
Your ego is how you feel about yourself, who you are, and what you do. We tie our feelings of success to those things that define our egos – what we have and how others think of us. We tend to define ourselves by what we do not have, rather than by what we do have. In order to achieve your goals through your intentions, you must become aware of your own ego, how you view yourself, and how you find your self worth. Learn to value yourself by the good things you have in your life already, rather than by what you are missing.

Only when you can separate your ego from your goals or intentions are you truly free to succeed.

Focus on Your Intentions
Most people tend to focus on what they do not have, or what they do not want, rather than what they do have or what they do want. Again, this type of negative thinking becomes self fulfilling. In order to achieve your goals, think of them in a positive light. Rather than tell yourself you cannot do something, or do not have enough of something, focus on your intention. Tell yourself that you are going to fulfill your goal, and allow that positive focus to be your driving force towards fulfillment.
Take some time and decide what would bring you happiness and fulfillment in life – a fancy car, a loving family, a fast-paced career, or a lot of money in the bank. Do not base your happiness on what your friends or family expect from you, or what you believe is acceptable in society. Dig down deep inside and examine your own heart to determine where your happiness comes from.

Once you know what will bring you happiness, write down your intentions to get there. Start each sentence with, “I am going to…” Make each intention a positive affirmation of ability and action. Once you have been able to identify exactly what you want out of life and how to get there, you will have created your own personal roadmap to bring you success. Whenever you find yourself doubting your own abilities, repeat your intentions to yourself positively. Negative thoughts creep up on everyone, and you must be able to not only identify them when they appear, but turn them around and make positive affirmations from them. It is amazing just how much that simple shift in state of mind can affect the outcome of your efforts.

Personal Coach David Bohl shares the viral message “Slow Down FAST” and helps people raise the roof on all facets of their lives without risking implosion. Get some must-haves for persevering in challenging times! Sign up for David’s online newsletter, The Bohl Report today

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln

No matter how big our dreams, our time and resources are limited. Moving forward effectively is key. Once you’ve committed to accomplishing something and putting in the effort, you’ll want to get the biggest return on your investment that you can, in the most efficient way. Here are ten of my best tips for increasing your effectiveness and achieving your goals–whatever they may be.

1.Be clear on your final outcome

This may sound obvious, but it’s surprisingly easy to skip this step. Be as clear as you can about what it is that you are working to accomplish. Be sure you know exactly what success will look like and how you will know when you get there. Being “more” of something is not a clear goal–no matter what you’re trying to be more of (more healthy, more patient, more relaxed, more productive . . .). Set a concrete measurable goal and you’ll know when you’ve arrived.

2.Create a timeline and set milestones along the way

Set a date for achieving your outcome. Schedule “milestones” for yourself. In other words, identify the dates that you plan to achieve specific steps towards your goal. This will help you stay on track and recognize the need to make adjustments (if you are having difficulty achieving the milestones you have identified) as you go along.

3.Use deadlines to stay on track

Eliminate as much uncertainty and vagueness as you can. If you have a difficult step to take or are finding yourself procrastinating, set yourself a deadline. You might decide to write three pages of your novel before 3pm, get to the gym three times before the weekend, or get your holiday card list organized by a certain date. Deadlines can be particularly useful when you are struggling to make a decision and are feeling stuck. Set the deadline and commit to simply moving forward by making a decision before the deadline arrives.

4.Rein in your perfectionist

Nothing will get us off track faster or derail us entirely like our inner perfectionist. Perfection is something we can rarely achieve and it’s often not necessary. The belief that we have to get something perfect before we can consider taking another step is a great way to never get anywhere. Work at developing an awareness of when your desire for excellence is working for you and when it has surpassed any definition of usefulness. There is a concept called the Pareto Principle you might want to consider. The Pareto Principle states that 20% of our efforts produce 80% of our results. The additional 80% of our efforts will only yield an additional 20% of results. According to the Pareto Principle, the first thrust of our effort is the most productive use of our time. Spending time on the back end working to make something “perfect” is often time intensive and nonproductive.

5.Create an environment for success

Surround yourself with what you need to stay on track, believe in yourself, and stay focused on your goal. If you are trying to lose weight, don’t fill your kitchen with junk food. If you are starting a new business, carve out the office space you need and surround yourself with people who encourage and believe in what you are doing. If you are cutting back on spending, don’t spend your free time at the mall. Instead make sure you have frequent reminders of why your hard work is going to pay off for you.

6.Get support

Perhaps the most important part of your environment is the people in it. Create a support system. Find people who know about your goal and believe in you–a cheering section. Ideally you’ll want to include people who are working toward the same or a similar goal. This isn’t about creating competition but support. You want to have someone in your corner who will remember why your goal is important to you on those dark days when you can’t. You want a support system who believes in your ability to succeed and will remind you of that when you need it the most.

7.Be accountable

I don’t know why, but many of us do better when we are accountable to someone else. Telling someone else that you have committed to do and knowing that they will check in on you and ask you how it went is a POWERFUL motivator.

8.Be flexible

Life happens and things don’t always go the way you planned. Sometimes what you learn from taking action is that you are going to have to try a different plan. If something doesn’t go well, don’t view it as a failure, view it as data. Use what you learned to readjust, realign, and remap your course if necessary.

9.Find a mentor

There is no need to reinvent the wheel. Chances are, whatever you are trying to do, someone has succeeded at something similar or knows something you don’t. Even Olympic athletes–the best in the world at what they do –have coaches. Finding someone who has the expertise to help you soar can often help you achieve what you want to more quickly and with more ease.

10.Celebrate

High-achievers can be tempted to skip this step. It’s easy to get so used to having your nose to the grindstone that you’ve planned your next project before you’ve completed your current one. DO NOT skip celebrating the milestones and goals you achieve. The pause you take to congratulate yourself and let the good stuff sink in is part of what will energize you, motivate you, and grow your confidence for your future endeavors. Plus, standing on the mountain top and really seeing how far you’ve climbed, is an incredible, soul-feeding experience.

Melissa McCreery, PH.D.