Joy Yang’s Blog

Sadly, too many people settle for store bought, mass produced bread. Tragically, even more settle for equally unappetizing relationships. You deserve better on both counts! Bread requires flour, yeast, salt, etc. What does your lasting relationship require?

First and foremost a healthy relationship requires enthusiasm. Relationships are about growing and exploring. Your partner should be someone who embraces life and you enthusiastically! A thriving relationship is one in which both partners continue to explore the world — and each other. No one is interested in a stale loaf.

Attractiveness — yes, it is shallow. No, you don’t have to look like a model to be loved. However, your partner must see something special in you. Would you want to bake bread with flour contaminated with dirt and bits of bugs? Of course not. Don’t underestimate the natural beauty of a clean face and good grooming. By all means, highlight your qualities but remember, your true partner will want to know you.

Successful relationships also rely on the ability to speak and listen. No relationship can succeed over time without first-rate communication skills. Good, bad or indifferent, feelings and concerns have to be shared in an open and accepting way. If you feel that you and your partner can discuss anything — your needs, hopes, desires, opinions then you are well on your way to relationship success.

What does it really mean to have good communication skills? The key here is honesty. Without honesty, what are you communicating? Nothing of lasting worth, that’s certain. And don’t just speak. Listen. Listen actively to your partner, hear what he or she has to say! Partners have to trust what you tell them and they have to know you believe what they say. Lying can foul a relationship faster than a rotten egg.

The difference between a successful, loving relationship and a successful business partnership often comes down to one essential ingredient — affection. Business partners need not show affection for the partnership to be successful but loving partners sure better! In a successful loving relationship, each partner must care for one another, physically and emotionally. You must put your partner’s needs first.

While there are often things that partners respectfully disagree about, a healthy relationship relies on compatibility. Your long-term partner must be compatible with you. It does not matter how strong you are with the seven other ingredients, you and your partner must be well-suited for each other. This does not mean you have to be two peas in a pod. You can have very different views and hobbies, but you needs must mesh.

The largest portion of compatibility is intelligence. We all want to be challenged from time to time. We want to be the best person we can be. It takes intelligence to revel in the intelligence of your partner. There is no “window dressing” in successful relationships — both partners are wholly engaged and needed.

The final ingredient tends to grow with age and experience. It is a biggie — Acceptance. Acceptance does not necessarily mean agreement, compliance, or submission Often it is very different. Anyone can accept someone they agree with. Only a loving partner can accept the views of someone they disagree with. Acceptance requires respect and consideration. Now, your partner may hold one or two views that you will never agree with them upon, but if you can recognize and tolerate some differences your relationship will mature.

Without all of these eight ingredients a relationship will become flat and tasteless. If you sense that you or your partner is running a little low on one or another of these ingredients, talk about it sooner rather than later. These differences do not go away by ignoring them. Like making bread, a relationship also takes thoughtfulness, timing, and hard work. Consider the ideas presented in this recipe and enjoy the earthy delight of needing — and kneading — a wonderful relationship, and having one!

In coaching we sometimes talk about our lives being in process. That is, our lives are constantly flowing forward over and around the highs and lows of our everyday experience, like a river. As humans we often try to minimize those ups and downs: We plan for the future, we dwell on the past, and thus avoid experiencing the emotion at this present moment. As a result we dampen our aliveness and sort of zone out. No wonder we suddenly “wake up” to realize minutes, even days or weeks, have passed us by!

Have you ever had the experience of driving a car only to find yourself suddenly at your destination? Where have you been? Not present, that’s for sure! But really, what does it mean to be present in your day-to-day life?

It’s quite challenging to focus all your attention on this moment. Try it: As you are reading these words, slow down. Experience the action of reading one word at a time. What sounds do you hear in the room around you? How comfortable are you? How are you breathing? Recognize that you are alive. Right now. In this moment.

What was that like for you?

Here’s another experiment. Go ahead and laugh – - but try this anyway. It may give you a whole new way to be in the moment:

As your go through your day, ask yourself: Where’s my butt? On a chair? Against a wall? Walking past the consignment shop on Main Street? Crazy as it sounds; it is very difficult not to be present when you’re trying to figure out where your rump is! Welcome to the here and now
OK! Now you’ve tried rump-awareness and have probably heard all kinds of other advice for becoming present in the moment – breathing, mindfulness, meditation, and so forth. Now broaden the concept: how can you stay present and focused for a project or goal in your life?

Select a theme.

Here’s how it works: As an example, my theme for my business this year is “fun and inspired action.”

This theme serves a filter. Each month, I review my business goals through the lens of my theme and prioritize those that will be the most fun and give me and my clients the most inspiration. Brainstorming projects to undertake, I look for those that best match my theme. My theme gives me a sense of exploration when choosing new opportunities: last week alone, I was on a radio show and was a guest lecturer at the University of Maryland. These are experiences I wouldn’t have imagined for myself in the past, but they came my way, fit the criteria and were so FUN!

A client of mine has a theme for the month in regard to his job search: Action! Driven by action he’s got some aggressive goals for landing job interviews. In every step he takes he asks himself, “does this forward my action toward my goals?” You should see the guy – he’s on fire!

Think for a moment about how you go through your day. Are you focused on what you don’t like in yourself or your partner? Do you spend much of your thinking time judging yourself or your partner? Or, do you make the spiritual attribute of kindness to yourself and others, including your partner, your highest priority?

People in successful relationships treat themselves and their partner with kindness – kind words, kind actions, kind looks, kind listening, and kind thoughts. It is far more important to them to be kind than to try to control their partner with anger, judgment, criticism, irritation, blame, resistance or withdrawal.

ACTION 2 – PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR FEELINGS

People in loving relationships do not make their partner responsible for their feelings. When they feel angry, hurt, anxious, depressed, resentful, irritated, guilty, or shamed, they look within at their own thoughts and behavior that may be causing their painful feelings. They do not see themselves as victims of their partner’s choices. Rather, they learn how to manage their own feelings without dumping their upset on their partner. When they can’t manage their own feelings, they get the help they need rather than dump anger, blame, anxiety or depression onto their partner.

ACTION 3 – ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY

People in successful relationships take responsibility for managing their time and space in ways that work for themselves and their partner. They make sure they have enough time with each other to talk, learn, resolve conflict, play and make love. The make sure they have time with children, time for chores, time for work and time for relaxation. They take care of their mutual living spaces in ways that respect their partner’s needs. If one partner tends to be neat and the other messy, they both strive to make their living environment pleasant for both of them rather than either of them complying, controlling, or resisting. Because their highest priority is kindness to themselves and each other, they are motivated to discover ways of living together that meets both of their needs.

ACTION 4 – FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

Successful couples make sure that they not only earn enough to support themselves, but they learn how to manage their money in ways that do not create stress for themselves or their partner. They decide mutually if both of them will work or not. Partners in loving relationships do not unilaterally decide to stop working and live off the other person. Nor does either partner make unilateral financial decisions that have a negative effect on the other partner.

In successful relationships, one partner does not spend money in such as way as to create stress for the other person. Loving partners mutually decide on their budget and then both of them stick to it.

ACTION 5 – HEALTH AND WELLBEING

When two people care deeply about themselves and each other, they strive to take care of their physical health. Loving partners do not behave in ways that cause their partner to fear for their wellbeing. They do not take unnecessary risks, such as riding a motorcycle without a helmet, or participating in activities that could harm their eyes without wearing goggles. They don’t drink and drive. They eat well, get enough exercise, and don’t smoke. People in loving relationships do not want their partner to suffer the grief of their loss through premature illness, so they strive to take good care of themselves – partly out of caring for themselves, and partly out of caring for their partner.

Once again – successful relationships don’t just happen. They are the result of each person taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, and spiritual responsibility within their relationship.

The Internet is an excellent vehicle for networking. Relationships can develop in newsgroups, forums, and via email. Though nothing really beats good old-fashioned face-to-face networking to start the process of building a relationship and trust, which is why industry conferences can be so important.

Not all contacts will be useful or worth pursuing. There will be leads that don’t provide much information. Use your judgment on whether the information and relationship is worth spending more time on.

Relationship networking opens new doors, often it’s “who you know, not necessarily what you know”.

Tip to Build Network Relationships:
1. Provide genuine assistance to others.
2. Be open-minded.
3. Remember personal details.
4. Respect cultural differences.
5. Research people and companies. Know their goals and interests.
6. Reciprocate.
7. Introductions.

Where to Network:
So many people wear multiple hats; everyone and anyone could possibly be a networking opportunity. However, just like targeted search engine traffic, the more targeted the networking the higher the chance of success. ‘Targeted’ networking offers the most potential.

1. Trade associations or industry specific organization.
2. Trade shows.
3. Friends.
4. Schools.
5. Focused newsgroups and topic specific forums.
6. Customers.
7. Suppliers.
8. User groups.

Constantly refine and grow your network of relationships, as they are valuable and need cultivating. If you are perceived as someone who is only trying to get something your network will likely not increase. Networking is about building relationships and mutual interaction benefiting both parties. Share information and help others grow their businesses.

In many ways relationship networking and partnering overlap, and on some occasion’s relationship networking will lead to synergistic partnering.

Partnering
Partnering is an attractive flexible way for companies to develop new markets and additional revenue. Working together, partners can combine strengths in critical areas. Often a larger well-known vendor provides small vendors with credibility, while the smaller vendor contributes specific industry knowledge unknown to the larger vendor. Synergistic relationships come in all shapes and sizes, but the best relationships and partnerships are the ones that benefit everyone. Partnering is a good way of tapping into related customer bases. Often the partners complement each other in such a way that they can provide a combined solution that neither partner could deliver alone.

Expectations
In order for a relationship to work you must have a clear understanding of both your companies and product(s) strengths and weaknesses. By being aware of any deficiencies, you will find partners with strengths in the areas of your weaknesses.

1. Know what you have to offer.
2. Know what you are looking for.
3. Don’t waste yours and your potential partner’s time.

Different relationships/partnering that works:
1. Product bundling.
2. Newsletter exchanges.
3. Integrations.
4. Link exchanges.
5. Technology or knowledge exchange.
6. Revenue share.
7. Ad exchange.

Win/Win
Only when each partner is successful can the partnership itself claim success. Partnerships are genuinely a win-win. Developers, who master the art of strategic partnering and relationship networking, will obtain long-term profitability and success.

Final Tips
1.) Qualify sources.
2.) Adage – you are who you hang with.
3.) Not every relationship is a good one.
4.) Evaluate potential partners.
5.) Make it personal by taking the time to say thank you.
6.) Results are not always immediate.
7.) Carry business cards everywhere you go.

1. I feel “Now” is the right time for me to see improvement in my life.
2. I am fully able, willing and ready to learn and grow, and do the work it takes to make the changes that I want to see.
3. I am willing to see and tell the truth.
4. I am willing to raise my personal standards, and to set and achieve much bigger goals.
5. I realize I am responsible for my own future.